Getting paid to be funny is pretty funny.
You either know Cracked or are new to this "comedy" thing. You can find all my columns here:
A few highlights below:
The Sex Bong, the electro-crotcher (and the female electro-crotchette), and the Gingerbread man working part-time as a gimp.
My first (and still most-stolen) paid article. I liquidated the paycheck drinking my way through a bar's shooter list, and realized I had found my career. It reappears on reddit or Digg (on yet another thief site) every couple of months, and I drink in its honor.
You know that written language is used to store information. You didn't know it was possible to reverse the polarity of that process.
Every online comedy writer wants to mock movies. Because it's incredible fun!
I make fun of these movies the same reason I tickle my wife: because I'm deeply, deeply in love with them and they enable me to pretend I'm with Milla Jovovich.
Dolemite is the whackinest blackinest put-yo-mamma-on-her-backinest badass ever to grace the silver screen. This movie isn't just an experience, it's an education and an ass-kicking all at the same time.
Street Fighter: Chun Li Edition should have been the best movie since someone discovered Chinese people knew kung fu. Instead it's the worst thing to happen to videogames since thumb-eating venereal spiders.
Mr T is the ToughesT man in the world, and ThaT's noT jusT Trash Talk. That's 120 minuTes of Truly unbelievable cinemaTic facT!
"Worst X Ever" gets thrown around a lot, but it's never been powered by such an appalling cocktail of childlike optimism and national shame. The most intense concentration of combat-based comedy since Jackie Chan fell into a trash compactor (full of priceless Ming vases!)
Video game movies are the worst kind of movies, and these are the worst of those. Everything from Wild West Vampire murder to a Japanese Bikini Samurai Cowgirl, and if you still don't want to read it I - and the world - honestly have nothing more to offer you.
ZUG pay me to do stupid things, which hopefully means they aren't so stupid after all. Some of the adventures include:
and looking at